highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
should my penis look like a turkey
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize