You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
