Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
