she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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