Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were trust falling into bushes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
