Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
