Sober January is a disaster.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
