Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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