I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
