Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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