just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
