If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
