I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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