she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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