Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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