i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize