I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're too hungover to prance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
