im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
