my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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