Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
