I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize