look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
