Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
