dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
