My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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