I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
