It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
