I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
