$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
