Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
