ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
