remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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