I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
