Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
