when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
