im drinking this country out of the recession.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
