I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
