The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
