just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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