tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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