Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
