Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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