There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The air was thick with penises
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
