Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want nice things and good sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize