Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
