i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
