Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
