No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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