Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
