ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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