I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
