If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
should my penis look like a turkey
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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