you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
