I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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