It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
