i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
