Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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