Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i dont even know how to be here
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
