So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
