she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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