you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
