i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
