Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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