Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
