Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
