I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
