to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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