That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize