Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
