they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think your dad took our porno
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
