we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
