He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
