Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
