I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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