i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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