you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
