oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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