textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize