I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
