i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
