I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize