ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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