there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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