Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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