im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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