I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
