I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
