$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
