I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
