Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
