i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
