I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
