I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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